DAY 27 - Looking for a comeback

Seventeen long days have come and gone since I last posted.  I have only managed to exercise one time in the last two weeks, I have not done the deed with my husband in a week, and I have been working what seems like 24 hours days.

I feel on the verge of doing something reckless. What started off as a good year, is proving to be one of the most challenging years yet.  Each day I hate my job more and more.  I feel like my workload just keeps increasing while the pay stays the same.  People say that I should be lucky to have a job in this economy, but I say screw that.  It's eating away at my sanity and I feel like it is time for me to move on.  I am having an internal battle with myself.  One side encourages me to stick it out just one more year, the other side says, "QUIT NOW - BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE!".  I see no light at the end of the tunnel and no possible way to make the deadlines that have been set forth. Every single day for the last week I have lost control of my emotions and let the floodgates open and the tears just pour down my face.

When I was in high school, I had an unmanageable life.  I had no direction, could care less about responsibilities, never followed through with anything and avoided doing any kind of work - EVER.  I was not a good daughter, not a good friend and was pretty worthless all the way around.  Today, I have established myself as a determined, motivated and highly dedicated individual.  I work hard everyday to prove my worth and to be a good person in as many ways as humanly achievable.  I hate to fail.  I hate to give up.  I love challenges and I always pile too much on my plate.  Today I feel like I did when I was 16 years old.  I want to walk out of the door, throw my middle finger in the air and not look back nor care how my senseless actions will effect others.  How did I get here?  In 17 short days, I have hit some kind of low for me and my sense of direction is gone.

My mom tells me to keep my sense of humor and that if I can just hold on to that then I can make it through this.  She also tells me if I make it through this, I will be much stronger a person.  So let's talk about the funny, or "not so funny" aspects of it all. 

The sewer line for our house is broken.  What this means for me and my family is that the water we need to use has no where to go and therefore backs sewage into our home if we do. Things such as going to the bathroom, taking a shower, running the dishwasher, and running a load of laundry are all out of the question.  We have gotten to be VERY  creative and I am afraid to know what we smell like to others.

My son pooped on the floor of his room the other day and it took me hours to figure out where the stench was coming from.  I think he tried to clean it up and in the process, he smeared it all over the place.

Yep - so life is just a bowl full of cherries right now.  Hopefully the next time I right, things are better.